Often times in my life, I have been asked this question "What would you want your kid to be in his/her life?” I end up being blank for sometime, frankly because I do not have an answer to the question. My argument is, how can I WANT my kids to be something specific in THEIR life? It is after all their life and it is what they want them to be in their own life which is significant. I do not want to impose my dreams on to my kids and in the process not letting them have their own dreams. All I would ideally want is to help them bring up in their life as good human beings; it is up to them where they want to end up in their life.
Dreams should be purely private; and till the time it remains private to an individual, the vigor and the passion to achieve those dreams are natural. The parents could help the kids by giving the kids ample opportunities (which they can afford) for the kids to pursue those dreams.
A common trend has been the case of passing the dreams/ambitions from one generation to the next. Parents of Mr. X wanted x to be an IAS, right from the time Mr. X was born the parents try to make him understand that he has to be an IAS, and that is his parents dream for him. So now Mr. X has to make his parents dreams, his own dream. In the process Mr. X might not really know what his natural passions are, or even if he knows he cannot pursue those passions as there are far more significant dreams in place. As Mr. X grows up, he tries his level best to be an IAS. But, the thing he does not realize is that he actually does not have the potential to be an IAS. Gradually, but surely his parents also realize that their dreams for their son will not be fulfilled and it will remain a dream for ever. Mr. X now struggles to find an alternate career (other than being a civil servant) in his life. And as Mr. X is a fighter, he manages to find a career which is fruitful enough. But Mr. X is not really sure if this fruitful job is what he longed for. Since, he is now grown up in life he cannot take undue risks to identify and pursue his passions. After all he has to get married, have his own family. How and where will he find time to think about or pursue his own dreams? Invariably he ends up with excuses, that he could not be an IAS as he did not have enough opportunities/resources or because of some misfortune.
As Mr. X has successfully managed to have a fruitful alternate career, he gets married easily and after few years Mr. X becomes a proud father of a girl. The day Mr. X's realizes that he is going to be a father, he starts dreaming that his son/daughter is going to be an IAS. The day Mr. X's dream spring's up, it would mark the end of dreams of his son/daughter about their own life. Mr. X proudly makes his wife aware of the plans. If Mr. X's wife also has her own set of dreams for her son/daughter, then they try to reach a consensus, based on which dream is bigger ;). Mr. X makes a point that he could not achieve his dreams (which are actually not his own dreams) as he had limited opportunities, but he will make sure that he gives all the opportunities to his kids to help them realize HIS dream. And this cycle of dreams goes on.... dreams passed from one generation to the other.
While these dreams are passed on from one generation to the other, at some stage the imposed dreams might get fulfilled. But, the point I would like to make is will those fulfillment of dreams would give them the utmost satisfaction in their life. Perhaps not, perhaps these passed on dreams have killed the ability of the new generation to have their own dreams. They fail to follow their own ambitions, pursue their own passions, simply because they do not have time invested for those. It is not about what we want our kids to be in their life, it should be what the kids think about their own life and understand where their interest in life lies. Parents can always help them make sensible and correct decisions, but the choice has to be their (the kid's).
One perfect example that comes to my mind is that of Harsha Bhogle. Harsha was born in Hyderabad to a Marathi speaking family. Harsha was quite good in studies and his parents were professors. Harsha completed his chemical engineering before graduating from IIM, Ahmedabad. Harsha's passion always lied associated with Cricket, though he never played any competitive cricket. In order to pursue HIS passion, he began his career as a commentator with AIR at the age of 19. Moving forward in this career, he has become one of the greatest cricket commentators today. Harsha knew where his passion was and he put his heart and soul to pursue HIS passion. Today the satisfaction he has with his job would be greater than many others. The joy he brings to the followers of the game with his commentary is paramount. The quality of his commentary is better than many other cricket pundits who have played competitive cricket though out their life. Harsha was able to identify his passion and he dedicated his life to follow that passion.
Our kids being an IAS, astronaut, writer, and lawyer are great things. But it would be greater if we allow our kids follow their own passion and we help them excel in their field of interest. Today we have parents who push their kids to be part of (Unreal) Reality shows and Talent hunts, but in doing so they fail to realize that they are taking away precious moments of their kids life, where they want to LIVE as kids. Let them LIVE their own life and they surely will end up being the REAL STARS of your and THEIR life (just with a little bit of guidance from your side).
I have talked a LOT; I hope I LIVE the talk :)
